Electricity in Nigeria is like a visiting relative: you are happy when it comes, nobody knows when it will leave, and when it goes, the whole compound has something to say. Here is your official guide to what Nigerians say the very second NEPA takes light. (Yes, we know the name has changed. No, we will not be updating our vocabulary.)
The First Five Seconds
- “AHHHHHH!” — Said by the entire street at the same time, in perfect harmony. No rehearsal. No conductor. Pure national talent.
- “Just when I wanted to…” — Whatever you were about to do — iron your shirt, charge your phone, watch the penalty — NEPA was watching. NEPA always knows.
- “Is it only us?” — Everybody rushes to the window to check if the neighbours have light. If they do, it becomes a personal matter.
The Investigation Phase
- “Check if it’s our fuse.” — Dad sends you to the meter box with a torch that has been dying since 2019. You stare at the switches like you understand them. You do not.
- “Who didn’t buy units?” — For prepaid meter families, this question can end friendships. Everyone suddenly develops amnesia.
- “They said they will bring it back by 6.” — Who said? Nobody knows. It came from a cousin’s friend’s group chat. It is now gospel.
The Acceptance Phase
- “Where is the rechargeable lamp?” — It is exactly where you left it: uncharged, because you were relying on NEPA to charge it. The irony is not lost on anybody.
- “Off all the switches before they bring it back and burn everything.” — The most responsible sentence in any Nigerian home. Said by mum. Ignored by everyone.
- “Oya, on the gen.” — Followed by twenty minutes of somebody pulling the starter rope like they’re rowing a canoe to Cotonou.
- “Is there fuel?” — There is not. There is never fuel. The jerrycan is a decorative item at this point.
The Grand Return
- “UP NEPA!” — When light returns, the joy is louder than a Super Eagles goal. Children dance. Adults forgive. For one beautiful moment, the nation is united.
- “Quick, charge everything!” — Phones, power banks, laptops, the rechargeable lamp, grandma’s radio. Because experience has taught us one thing: this light did not come to stay. It came to greet.
Electricity may come and go, but the Nigerian sense of humour has never needed a generator. It runs on pure vibes, and it has never once taken light.
Which of these did you shout last time? Drop your own NEPA line in the comments and share this with that friend whose gen never starts on the first pull.
Featured image: Photo: “christmas watching candles dark” by Rachel Tayse, CC BY 2.0, via Openverse — source
