Satire: this story is made up for laughs.
LAGOS — With the ember months in full swing and the whole internet already talking about December parties, concerts and “who is coming home,” a Lagos man identified only as Kunle has made history by starting a Detty December savings plan on Monday and officially giving up on it by Wednesday afternoon.
Experts are calling it the shortest financial plan in the history of Surulere.
The Bold Announcement
On Monday morning, Kunle posted on his WhatsApp status: “This December, I will enjoy like an ambassador. Savings starts today. No more unnecessary spending. Watch me.” The post was accompanied by a picture of a brand-new piggy bank, which he had bought for a price his friends described as “unnecessary spending.”
He also created a spreadsheet titled “Operation Enjoyment 2026,” with columns for concerts, owambes, new outfits, beach trips and “miscellaneous vibes.” The total target was so ambitious that the spreadsheet itself reportedly froze twice.
Day One: Strong Beginnings
Witnesses say Kunle started well. He skipped buying puff-puff on his way to work and dropped the money into the piggy bank with the seriousness of a man signing an oil deal. He walked to the bus stop instead of taking a keke, telling his neighbour, “This is how millionaires are made.”
At lunch, he ate the rice he brought from home and told his colleagues that he was “on a financial journey.” Two colleagues joined the journey immediately. One left by 3 p.m. after someone ordered shawarma.
Day Two: The Temptations
By Tuesday, the city began to test him. A new phone case appeared in his online feed. A friend invited him to “just one small hangout.” An aunty sent a voice note announcing an engagement party, with aso ebi prices attached.
According to sources close to the piggy bank, Kunle resisted most of these attacks. However, he did buy the aso ebi, explaining that it was “an investment in family relationships.” The piggy bank was not consulted.
The Data Problem
That evening, his data subscription expired. He stood in his room, staring at the piggy bank, and the piggy bank stared back. Eyewitnesses (his younger brother) say Kunle whispered, “It’s an emergency,” before gently shaking out enough coins to buy data. He then used the data to watch videos about saving money.
Day Three: The Official Retirement
On Wednesday, the end came quietly. A friend posted a flyer for an early “pre-December warm-up party” scheduled for October. Kunle stared at the flyer for a long time. Then he changed the title of his spreadsheet from “Operation Enjoyment 2026” to “Operation Enjoyment 2027.”
At a brief press conference held in his sitting room, attended by his younger brother and a curious cat, Kunle released a statement: “After careful consideration, I have decided to move my savings plan to January. January is a fresh start. The economy will be calmer. Me, I will be calmer.”
Asked about December, he said he would “flow with what God provides,” adding that his uncle usually visits on Christmas Day with envelopes.
Reactions From Across Lagos
- A financial adviser, speaking through a very long sigh, said, “We see this every year. People start saving in October for December, but October has its own plans.”
- The piggy bank, which now contains a single 50 naira note and a button, was unavailable for comment.
- Kunle’s mother simply said, “Did he buy the aso ebi? Then he is fine.”
The Mairago Lesson
If you are planning for the festive season, start small, be realistic, and remember: an aso ebi is not an investment, and a pre-December warm-up party in October is not a real event. Your piggy bank believes in you. Don’t let it down by Wednesday.
Have you started your own December savings, or has it already “retired”? Share this with your friends who are planning big for December and drop your own savings story in the comments!
Featured image: Photo: “Stethoscope and piggy Bank” by 401(K) 2013, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Openverse — source
